There is no way around the fact that fear is a part of being human. It’s something we all experience. We fear for our health and the well-being of our loved ones. As parents, we experience myriad fears for the safety of our children. Without realizing it, we can find our fear being expressed in anxiety, and it’s no surprise that we currently have a mini-epidemic of anxiety in modern western societies. Yet, most of us learn little about how to manage our fears so they maintain their positive impact of preparing us for real-life danger, yet don’t derail our ability to hold ourselves steady and acting with intention and purpose.
It’s important to recognize that our species is hardwired to sense and react to danger. After all, we didn’t climb the evolutionary ladder by virtue of our physical prowess! No, we had to evolve to escape large predators, warring tribes, and a multitude of other dangers. Our limbic system developed to alert us to danger in our environment, and to fight, flee, or freeze as a means of keeping us alive. The benefits are profound, but in modern times, that same fight/flight/freeze reaction can be evoked by dangers more perceived than real. Watching alarming events on a computer or tv screen, reading a hostile text, waking up with a sore throat, and wondering if it’s Covid; these can all trigger that same fight/flight response, with all its intensity.
Yet, what happens when we are gripped by fear? Whether bracing for a fight, fleeing, or freezing, our world becomes small.
When we are in the throes of fear, our world becomes focused on one thing: surviving the threat.
We move away from connection, from compassion, from love. Even the most open-minded of us become small-minded when we are consumed by fear. We can also be so activated that we are reactive, overly ready for the threat at hand. With fear, we can find ourselves acting in ways that we later regret.
Reflect for a moment about what happens to you when you’re experiencing fear. Notice how your body feels.
Is there tension or relaxation?
Is there a sense of expansion or do you experience constriction?
Is your heart open or closed?
Do you feel connected to those around you or do you have a sense of isolation?
Now, pause and take a few slow deep breaths. Notice what shifts.
Typically, the body softens and relaxes. The sense of tightness and constriction lessens. We have activated our parasympathetic nervous system and put the brakes on the fight/flight response. It can be such a powerful shift that there may even be tears of relief.