With the events at the United States Capitol this past week, many are experiencing what can only be called an emotional hangover. Intense anger, sadness, fear, surprise, grief, and more, an emotional storm that has catapulted many far out of their comfort zone. We can land in catastrophic thinking, alarmed by real-life events, our minds off in a swirl of ‘what if’ thinking. Fear, in particular, can take hold and leave us derailed, almost paralyzed by overwhelm.
Even prior to the events on January 6th, the pandemic has brought a multitude of fears. We can find ourselves in a heightened state of alert, unable to relax, and apprehensive about what is going to happen next.
Fear can leave us running in sympathetic overdrive—heart racing, breath shallow, body tight. Caught in a fight/flight/freeze response, it’s as if our foot is stuck on the gas pedal. In this state of activation, our ability to manage stress and challenge decreases. We become alarmist, reactive, and irritable, and our ability to cope and execute good decisions erodes.
When fear takes hold, we forget that in this moment we are safe. That in this moment our health is ok. That right now our loved ones are healthy and safe. That as imperfect as things may be, they may actually be tolerable. I wrote about this early in the pandemic and want to visit the topic again in this post.
We are hardwired to sense danger
There is no way around the fact that fear is a part of being human. It’s something we all experience. We fear for our health and the well-being of our loved ones. As parents, we experience myriad fears for the safety of our children. Without realizing it, we can find our fear being expressed in anxiety, and it’s no surprise that we currently have a mini-epidemic of anxiety in modern western societies. Yet, most of us learn little about how to manage our fears so they maintain their positive impact of preparing us for real-life danger, yet don’t derail our ability to hold ourselves steady and acting with intention and purpose.
It’s important to recognize that our species is hardwired to sense and react to danger. After all, we didn’t climb the evolutionary ladder by virtue of our physical prowess! No, we had to evolve to escape large predators, warring tribes, and a multitude of other dangers. Our limbic system developed to alert us to danger in our environment, and to fight, flee, or freeze as a means of keeping us alive. The benefits are profound, but in modern times, that same fight/flight/freeze reaction can be evoked by dangers more perceived than real. Watching alarming events on a computer or tv screen, reading a hostile text, waking up with a sore throat, and wondering if it’s Covid; these can all trigger that same fight/flight response, with all its intensity.
Yet, what happens when we are gripped by fear? Whether bracing for a fight, fleeing, or freezing, our world becomes small.
When we are in the throes of fear, our world becomes focused on one thing: surviving the threat.
We move away from connection, from compassion, from love. Even the most open-minded of us become small-minded when we are consumed by fear. We can also be so activated that we are reactive, overly ready for the threat at hand. With fear, we can find ourselves acting in ways that we later regret.
Reflect for a moment about what happens to you when you’re experiencing fear. Notice how your body feels.
Is there tension or relaxation?
Is there a sense of expansion or do you experience constriction?
Is your heart open or closed?
Do you feel connected to those around you or do you have a sense of isolation?
Now, pause and take a few slow deep breaths. Notice what shifts.
Typically, the body softens and relaxes. The sense of tightness and constriction lessens. We have activated our parasympathetic nervous system and put the brakes on the fight/flight response. It can be such a powerful shift that there may even be tears of relief.
Build resilience to fear with a purposeful pause
With mindfulness, we take just this type of pause. We tune in and pay attention to our experience. We utilize our breath to take us out of the stories our mind is so good at generating about what might come next, and bring us back to the present moment. Here in the present, we leave that overly activated state and can experience a sense of calm.
A pause also serves to allow our prefrontal cortex to come online. We can then see more clearly that fear had taken hold.
We become the witness of our experience as opposed to the one trapped by it.
Build resilience to fear with meditation
Another strategy for working with fear is meditation. Meditation is the practice whereby we build our mindfulness muscle. When we meditate, we leave the busyness of the world, sit quietly, and go inward. We do this to get acquainted with our inner world, most importantly, with our thoughts. As we pay attention to what our mind is up to, we see that our mind can be extraordinarily busy, almost frenetically flitting from past to future and back. Here, there, and everywhere, we begin to see just how unfocused and disjointed our own thoughts can be.
Since our mind is the window through which we take in all experience, when our mind is agitated, we can see the world in an agitated and chaotic way. When our mind is caught in fear, we can tend to see the world as a threatening place. Alternatively, a warm and settled mind is more likely to see what is good and worthy in the world around us.
Further, meditation has been shown to increase compassion, both for self and for others. It helps us connect with our own good qualities and those of the people we interact with. Fostering compassion takes us from the small fear-based self into our best and most large-hearted selves.
While mindfulness can conjure the image of the solo person meditating on the mountainside, it is actually so much more. And while mindful meditation can seem self-focused or even selfish in the face of global strife, it is truly a way of taking responsibility, for ourselves and for the world around us.
Build resilience to fear with connection
A third strategy is inviting connection to be present with the fear. You likely already know that love and connection are powerful antidotes to fear. They take us from isolation to the comfort that another being brings. This can be a human being, a canine or feline being, or any other being that brings solace. There is strength in numbers, and by not being so alone with the fear, it loses its power.
Lastly, we can tune into the factors that increase our fear and be very intentional in avoiding these where possible. Top of this list these days is time spent on disturbing news. It’s one thing to be aware of what’s occurring in the world, it’s another to watch the same scenes over and over. Pay attention to whether decreasing your news consumption helps you stay out of fear.
In summary, there is no question that these are challenging times. While mindfulness can’t change the tumultuous political events of our time, it can provide powerful tools that can help us hold ourselves steady, whatever comes our way. I hope you will try these strategies out. I look forward to hearing how it goes.